Then leave your woes to me
Forever will I be your cure
For every boring single day.
When all the love has gone away
Then leave your pain with me
For what was lost will still be pure
Though it could never stay.
When I for you is nothing more
Than a safety measure call,
Free my heart, I can't do this anymore.
'Cause there's nothing I could do
And it's not easy to hold on to
The fading memories i shared with you
I know that you've been right
I knew that I was wrong
But if by hurting you you'd leave me
Then I'm giving without a fight
'Cause then you'd live a better life
I keep your picture in a place
Where I can't see you
'Cause I know that I'll miss you
And there's nothing I can do
To ever bring you back
While I'm bleeding here to die
While you're breathing there alive
I thought that I'd been right
I thought I could move on
But every time I close my eyes
You bring me back alive
You bring me back to life
I haven't written anything worth reading ever since.
So here I am, trying to get back up on my feet and start anew...
I mean, this is my junk shop of ideas and I love writing ...I just hope I'd get over the loss not of my laptop but of my twin novels.
September 8, 1999
Pasig City, Plaza
“You can’t be serious!” She yelled in disbelief, dragging me by the hand towards the ‘No loading/unloading zone’ so we could catch a ride home.
“But I am…” I said sheepishly, too weak to argue and too tired to resist.
“Look,” she snapped as we turned into an abrupt halt, her face already moist with tears. “Am I not reason enough for you to stay? To believe?”
“You are…” I said as I lowered my head, I could hear a loud radio playing John Lennon’s ‘Let it be’ from the police outpost nearby. “It’s just that—“
A car suddenly skids along the sidewalk towards us. I clutched her head and held her tight against me, shielding her from the car. I heard a low thumping sound accompanied by a sharp pain at the back of my head as the metal bumper found its mark.
I opened my eyes and saw her face streaked with blood. I looked around and saw the wreck a couple of feet away from us. People were shouting, screaming for help, but none of them seemed to notice us. I tried to get up but the numbing pain won’t let me. I cried for help but the words won’t leave my throat. My head felt light and my eyelids started to droop. This isn’t good. I propped my hand against the red-bricked floor for support and checked her condition, she’s still breathing, thank God!
The images blurred as my adrenaline began to subside. A couple of white figures began to lift her body from the concrete pavement. I tried to reach her hand but one of the white figures held me down.
The last thing I remembered was the bumpy hospital ride.
September 8, 2008
Garden of Memories Private Cemetery
It’s been exactly nine years now since the accident and here I am, single and successful. Medical reports state that I suffered a couple of broken bones, mild concussions, and a badly broken heart.
I sat down the still damp grass and brushed away the withered rose petals and stray locks of grass from her name. I still can’t believe that I made it.
I fished out a small light-blue rosary she’d given me the day before she died at the hospital. She said it would protect me and that it would serve as a reminder for me to believe, that it was something which I’d always remember her by. I never was a believer, she knows that, but for some odd reason every time I think of killing my self, the rosary she gave me manages to clear my train of thoughts. I remember her, yes, always…every time.
A faint melody, a soft and familiar tune, suddenly surrounded me in an instant. Startled, I got up and looked around. A short-haired girl, with a small runt of kid clutching her skirt, approached me and began to apologize.
“It…it’s…okay…” I stuttered as I stared at her, shocked. “Really, it’s okay.”
“I’m really sorry,” she said, smiling. “My small brother here mistook the tuner for the volume. I hope we didn’t bother you too much?”
“It’s okay,” I said, secretly pinching my self to see if my mind was just playing tricks on me. Ouch! I groaned inwardly, this definitely is not a dream.
“Umm…hello?” She said, resting her hands on her waist. “Anybody there?”
“Oh, sorry about that,” I replied sheepishly, I could feel the blood rush into my face. I stretched my hand towards her and began to introduce myself. “My name’s Joseph and you are?”
“Hmm…” She puffs out her cheeks and shakes my hand. “Nice to meet you, I’m—“
“Maria!” It was her small brother, “Mom’s calling us, we’re going to the mall now! Now! Now!”
Maria blushes, as she lets go of my hand. “Well, that’s me—coming mom!—I guess I’ll be seeing you someday, someplace else?”
“Sure,” was all I could say as the soft rustling of the leaves drowned out Ely Buendia’s voice singing ‘it’s so hard to believe…’”
*I'm still planning on finishing this sometime soon, turn it into something longer and easier to read, though.
Ako si Ed, hindi tunay na pangalan, beinte-singko anyos at isang hamak na palikerong nagtatrabaho bilang isang callboy sa Call Me call center agency. At ito…ito ang kwento ko.
Just call me and I will come. Yan ang tag-line namin ni Jack, isang katrabaho sa Call Me. Si Jack ang nag-introduce sakin sa trabahong ito. Sa pagiging part-time call boy. Malaki ang kita kaya sinubukan ko. Katuwaan lang, sabi ni Jack. Walang mawawala sa’yo…mag-eenjoy ka pa.
Araw-araw kaming dinadagsa ng tawag sa Office, actually tuwang-tuwa yung may-ari ng agency sa‘min ni Jack. Halos lahat kasi ng inaadvertise naming produkto nabebenta. Ilang buwan pa siguradong mapopromote na daw kami sabi ni manager. Nakakatawa. Ayoko naman talagang gawin ‘to pero kailangan. Kailangan ko ng pera.
Mahirap ang ganitong trabaho. Oo, malaki ang kita sa call center…pero di hamak na mas malaki ang kinikita ko sa pagbebenta ng laman. Kailangan ko ng pera at ito lang ang paraang alam ko. Ito lang ang kaya ko.
Kostumer? Haha, masasabi kong marami n’yan sa trabahong ito. Nariyan ang mga matronang lasang suka sa asim, mga bading na handang ibigay ang lahat sa’yo kahit wala na silang maibibigay, mga nerds na walang boyfriend, mga asawang hindi pinapansin ni mister, mga anak na nagrerebelde, mga outcasts sa paaralan, mga maton na hindi mo aakalaing bading pala, mga opisyal ng simbahan, mga pulitikong tulad nina Gov at Congressman, mga simpleng tao. Mga taong may perang maibibigay sa mga katulad kong kapos sa grasyang iyon.
Minsan sa opisina, tinawagan ako ng isa sa mga naging kostumer ko, si Leah, isang dise-sais anyos na honor student mula sa isang konserbatibing pamilya. “Ed,” sabi n’ya “Buntis ako…two months na.” Namutla ako sa nalaman ko. Papatayin ako ng mga magulang n’ya…pati ng kuya n’yang nagsisiga-sigaan sa kanila. Sa sobrang pagkataranta ko isa lang ang pumasok sa utak ko. Hindi sa’kin ang batang ‘yon! Ayoko pang maging ama. Hindi ako handa.
Day-off ko. Sinamahan ko si Leah papunta sa Quiapo, Ongpin at kung saan-saan pa na pwedeng makabili ng instant pampalaglag pero matapos ang isang linggo buhay parin ang bata sa sinapupunan niya. Buhay parin ang anak ko.
Tinanong ko si Jack kung ano ang pwede naming gawin ni Leah. “Hindi kita matututlungan d’yan,” si Jack. “Pero may kilala akong abortionista sa isang clinic malapit sa may simbahan ng Quiapo.”
Abortion? Lumolobo na ang tiyan ni Leah. Ilang araw pa at siguradong mahahalata na ‘yon ng pamilya n’ya. Wala ng ibang paraan.
“Ed…ayoko na…” Si Leah, umiiyak sa balikat ko. On the way na kami sa simbahan ng Quiapo “Natatakot ako...”
Takot? Aaminin kong natatakot din ako. Takot akong malaman ng tao ang nangyari samin ni Leah, ang trabaho ko, ang sasabihin samin ng iba, sa mga magulang n’ya…sa tiyo Waldo kong pari sa aming probinsya. Oo, takot ako. Takot na takot. “Pare, wag na lang kaya nating ituloy? Papanagutan ko na ang bata.”
“Ulol! Si Jack, wag ka ngang magpa-uto d’yan sa malanding babae na ‘yan!”
Hindi ako nakapagpigil. Sinuntok ko si Jack. Mahal ko na pala si Leah hindi ko pa alam. Hindi malandi si Leah!
“GAGO! Mag-isip ka nga! Mangyayari ba ‘yan kung--”
Bumangga kami sa isang poste. Patay si Jack. Basag ang ulo. Si Leah? Ang bata? Sigaw ko sa sarili ko, Ang anak ko! Lumingon ako sa kina-uupuan ni Leah. Dugo. Duguan si Leah. Walang malay. Aabutin ko
Nagising ako sa ospital. Buhay pa ‘ko. Si Leah? Si Leah? Pinilit kong tumayo pero hindi ko kinaya. Bumagsak din ako agad. Agad akong nilapitan ng nurse, sumigaw s’ya pero hindi ko naintindihan. “Si Leah?”
“Yung girlfriend n’yo po ba sir?” Ang nurse, “Nakalabas na po, last week pa.”
Last week pa. Hindi ako makapaniwala sa narinig ko. Ilang linggo na ba ‘ko dito? Anong lagay n’ya? Ng bata? PInilit ko muling makatayo. Pinigilan ako ng nurse pero nagpumiglas ako. Dumating ang ibang nurse at sinaksakan ako ng pampatulog.
Ilang araw pa ang inilagi ko sa ospital. Nabalitaan ko mula sa isang katrabaho na wala na sa bansa si Leah. At ang bata? Ang anak ko? Wala na. Miscarriage daw dulot ng aksidente. Wala na.
Hindi na ‘ko bumalik pa sa dati kong trabaho. Sa pagiging callboy. Ayoko na. Hindi na kakayanin ng konsensya ko ang isa pang Leah at anak sanang kapiling ko na ngayon. Nagresign narin ako sa
Ako si Ed, hindi tunay na pangalan, beinte-otso anyos, isa nang guro. At ito…ito ang kwento ko.
As for the other posts, you can still find it there...somewhere, it's been a while since my last post so there you have it. It's a fun forum really, if you love/like anime, that is.